Have you ever blurted out something without thinking it through or done something without really looking at what the consequences or repercussions could be? Have you ever said something so hurtful that as soon as you said it, you wished you could take it back…but you couldn’t or ever betrayed someone you love, or done something destructive to a relationship with someone you have committed your life to, that you can’t undo…there is no “do over”? Have you ever replayed different scenarios in your head of how you would have done it differently if only you had the chance to make it right?
Do you remember how it felt? Or maybe more importantly, are you feeling that now? Are you living in that place now? If any of that rings true for you then Peter’s story will resonate with you…if it doesn’t then less just say, welcome to Peter’s world. In our reading today from the Gospel of John, we take an intimate look at one of the transforming moments in Peter’s life. This last chapter is often referred to as John’s Epilogue. An Epilogue is a short chapter or section at the end of story that often details the fate of the characters in the story.
I think it serves as a beautiful bridge to help us understand what transpired between the time of Peter’s denials of Jesus and the day of Pentecost, when he would truly began to live out his call as Peter, the Rock, upon which Jesus would build his church. Most of us know the story of Peter’s denying he knew Jesus three times after Jesus was arrested. But, how did he get past what must have been for him an unforgiveable offense of denying Jesus, for contradicting everything he had professed regarding Jesus? How could he let go of what must have been almost unbearable guilt and shame for what he did?
Remember Peter was boastful and prideful in the way he spoke in front of the other disciples regarding his faithfulness to Jesus. He was the one who said earlier in John’s Gospel that he would “lay down his life for Jesus”, or in Matthew and Mark he said “though others may fall away because of you, I will never fall away”, to even going as far to say in Luke, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death”. This is the same man who only hours later would give in to his own fear and doubt and betray the one whom he professed to love so deeply. How does one live with that? What do you do with that heavy a burden?
The Good News is that God knows what is in our heart; the pain, shame and guilt that we carry, but has other plans for us…far greater plans. This story is Peter’s story but it is also our story too.
As we take a look at the very beginning of this reading, Peter and some of the other disciples are back at the Sea of Galilee. And what is he doing? He’s back doing the same old thing he used to do before he met Jesus. Three years have gone by since he came to know Jesus by these very same shores and left it all behind to follow him. Three years of witnessing miracles and healings, talking, walking and eating with the Messiah, being taught amazing things and learning at the feet of the Son of God.
Yet, here he is now, right back to where it all began, doing the same old, same old…going back to what he knew, what is comfortable, living in the past.
It is safer, you know. You know what to expect, you don’t have to answer to anyone, you don’t have to worry about letting anyone else down nor setting yourself up for failure again. Sound familiar?
Ahhh, if only it were that easy, Peter. Jesus has other plans for you.
After they had fished all night and were getting ready to come in as dawn was breaking, a voice calls out from the shore. “Friends, haven’t you caught anything? “No, we sure haven’t”. “Try throwing your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” You know they were probably on that boat thinking “Whatever” but they did it and were unable to even bring the net in because it was so full. It was suddenly like déjà vu. Now one of them realized why the voice had sounded so familiar. “It is the Lord” he shouted, and with that, Peter was in the water heading to land leaving the rest behind. That’s Peter… impulsive, passionate, well intentioned but still at this point…unreliable Peter.
When he gets to the shore, Jesus has a fire going to provide warmth and prepare the breakfast. Not just any fire but specifically a charcoal fire. Imagine what must have been going through Peter’s mind as he walked out of the water and made eye contact with Jesus across that charcoal fire. The last time he saw Jesus and had denied him, Peter was standing at a charcoal fire warming himself. Talk about bringing home all the memories of that horrible night and what happened afterwards! Imagine all the emotions, all those feelings of guilt and shame; they must have been almost unbearable for Peter.
But what does Jesus do? He feeds Peter and the rest. He breaks bread with them once again; he provides nourishment, warmth, and a safe and welcoming presence. Does he take this opportunity to rake Peter over the coals for what he did? No. Did he tell Peter how disappointed he was in him? No. Did he bring up the past and remind Peter of all the things he said and then didn’t do? No. What does Jesus do? He simply asks Him “Simon, son of John, do you truly love me more than these? And he answers, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you. Then Jesus said, “Feed my Lambs.”
Notice that Jesus doesn’t call him Peter but calls him “Simon, son of John”; it is like when our parents or teachers call us by our full name. This is meant to get our attention and I don’t know about you but it certainly gets mine whenever I hear “Shirley Sue Strader!” But unfortunately for me, usually when I heard my name used in that way, the person saying it probably wasn’t displaying the same compassion, patience and understanding that Jesus did!
Also, there is something very telling in the words that Jesus and Peter use here to describe Love. In the English language we use one word when we speak of love. We say things like “I love you” or “I love your new golf cart”, or “I love how you play pickle ball” one word fits all so to speak. Whether you are speaking of a person, object or action, we use one word.
But in Greek, there are different words used to describe the different forms of love. There is eros, which is a sexual intimate type of love or lust, from which we get the word “erotic”. Then there is the word philo or phileo which is an affectionate type of love, a friendly love, a brotherly love from which we get the word Philadelphia or the city of brotherly love.
Then we have the highest form of love, agape love. It is a self giving love, a sacrificial love, as in the love God has for this world and for us. A love that we are called to embody as followers of Christ. When Jesus asks Simon “Do you truly love me”, Jesus uses agape. But when Simon answers him, Simon uses philo. You can almost envision Simon with his head down, having difficulty making eye contact with Jesus. It is as if he is saying Lord, you know that I have a really deep affection for you, you are like a brother to me. But Simon is being honest here, authentic, real… he hadn’t shown Jesus agape love, that sacrificial kind of love, when the rubber met the road, when it was time to put his talk into action…how could he respond to Jesus’ question any other way...truthfully. Jesus was not deterred; he still voiced his confidence in Simon by saying “Feed my lambs”. Jesus was still entrusting him with a crucial responsibility and had no intention of letting the past interfere with the plan he had for Simon’s life. Jesus was in essence telling Peter to “Let it go”! Don’t dwell in the past, don’t stay in your comfort zone, there is much work to be done!
When Jesus asks Simon a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you truly love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you”. Again, Jesus uses agape and Simon answers with philo. But Jesus isn’t fazed by it. He still says, “Take care of my sheep”. Jesus is letting Peter know that he is still calling on him to take on even more responsibilities and challenges as he goes forth in his ministry. Jesus is calling on Simon to move on with his life, to take hold of the life that he has been designed for. Jesus is letting Simon know that he trusts him, that Simon has the gifts and the abilities that are needed to continue the work which Jesus started. Jesus is encouraging Simon as he passes him the baton.
And in the third and final exchange, which also matches the number of denials Peter made, an interesting twist occurs. When Jesus asks Simon this one last time, “Do you love me”, Simon answers “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you” and then Jesus says “Feed my sheep”. But this time Jesus uses the word philo too, rather than agape. There are some scholars and theologians that debate the relevance of the differing uses of the Greek words for love in this passage, but, I stand with those who see a real significance and a deeper purpose in the change of words that Jesus used. It is Jesus meeting Peter where he was. It was a way for Jesus to connect with Peter, to let Peter know it’s ok, to let Peter know “I am right here with you”.
“Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you”. Jesus can work with that. Jesus knows Peter’s heart, his strengths, his weaknesses, his passion and his love for him. Jesus also knows that right now Peter is coming from a place of woundedness, a place of guilt and shame and Jesus wants him to know that all is forgiven, all is well. It has not changed God’s plan. “Feed my sheep”.
Jesus renamed him Peter for a reason. He was to be the rock upon which the church would be built. Jesus knew what would happen with Peter. Peter just didn’t know what would happen to Peter!. Peter received the gift of grace. He experienced that gift of complete forgiveness. He was redeemed. He was reaffirmed. He was reinstated. He was resurrected. This is the beauty and richness of Easter. We all are resurrected!
Whatever it is that we are holding onto, whatever is keeping us tied to the past that prevents us from experiencing the fullness of the love of Jesus, Jesus is telling us to let it go! Guilt, shame, self pity and self doubt are not of God.
If we don’t let it go, then our focus will always be on us and not on God and God’s will for our lives. If we continue to hold onto those things and emotions that are not of God, we hold ourselves back from experiencing agape love, the love God has for us and the love God desires for us to share with all God’s people. So if Jesus were to ask you the question he posed to Peter “Do you love me?” How would you answer? Which word would you use or would you have a totally different answer? However you answer it, know that God is right there with you every step of the way, each and every day, saying, “Follow me.” May you find encouragement and peace and open yourself up to agape love as you answer that question and follow God’s lead.
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